Feel empty..

I had been up and down this roller coaster ride and has never given up on hifz.But this time its different.I did something really bad, I neglect my best fried, the Quran.And I felt empty...inside...like a peanut shell with no nuts.Drained of life quirkyness and vibrantness, felt lifeless...felt empty,no motivations...

I need to summon all the leftovers energy to at least perk myself up then let it be completely lifeless,drained out...I prayed and dua and hope God will accept me back and invite me again to memorize hifz.I did a bad thing.Im wrong.I neglect the most wonderful gift anyone could ever have.Im sorry.Please forgive me, insya-Allah will not do it again...

I need to remove this laziness.And analyse what is it that Im leaning against.Is it my food intake? HAve i been neglecting on its HALAL-ness too?Or it is my eyes, had I been watching too much TV(not really) and so have I been listening to too much music?Hmm, probably...that kinda lul me to its melody and make me wanna engulf in its vibes...

I need to wake up...

What if death is at the door waiting?
What if death is couting down on u?
What if death is just beside u,watching u typing this blog?
But mainly...how do u feel to face God with all that Surahs washed down the drain after years of painstakingly trying to memorise them?Aren't u ashamed?

Im embarassed..I need to buck up.NO I need a slap of REALITY..sometimes u feel challenged by life's trials and tribulations, u feel negative...feeling helpless, not wanting toa sk God for help (Which is very wrong) ....u feel u sre stucked.Thus, always asked GOd for help irregardless how stupid it may seems or ur prayers are just for little things, HE always listen and HE is always near when u need HIM.Alhamdulillah.dear God,tahnk u for awakening me from my deep sleep...

Thank you....

Insya-Allah Im gonna take baby step to restart my engine and not scare myself off cos it may seems that I might need to start all over again but insya-Allah it is possible to tattain previous standards or achieve higher goals...insya-Allah.

Dua for me...my friends as I would for u, friends of hifs,insya-Allah I wanna be part of kekasih Allah...I wanna be Paradise Firdaus dwellers...insya-Allah amin.May God help us all and make it easy for us and keep us on the right track always...amin.
7.19pm 27.1.10