Not good enough....

I always have this problem. Whenever I got the "uzur" (pms) I always take that as a "holiday" and I neglect my hifz. I am a person that cannot take any break. I need to istiqamah all the way both old and new surahs. I realised that if I stop, its hard to get back on track.

I had visited the cemetery recently. But this hard as rock heart do not feel anything. Either I was numb thinking about worldly affairs or I'm really a goner. I had lost my way....

I need to recite the Quran again. Actually I can read those Surahs that I fear I will forget during "uzur" but I rather not to, I dunno why.

I cannot follow my heart...there is a malay saying "kalau ikut hati, mati"..if u follow ur heart, u will die...the truth has spoken.

I need to muhasabah diri and think hard about the "sins" commited that cause this heart to have a "plague" like the teeth. Need to scrape it off. Need my Quran.

I think I need to thinkback why I chose this path , why I love Hifz, why I wanted to be ahuffaz..I need to re-think and evaluate my goals and aspirations again. I need to watch "the mesage" video again to bring back those hot tears and to reminisces the hard path that the Prophet (pbuh) had to go thru to bring Islam and Al-Quran to us...

yeah indeed I need to do that...